We can’t afford any more diapers

It’s a lie of course. But I am desperate. I’m not above lying to a 3 year old. If you have potty trained a child who just doesn’t care, you will understand. This girl knew how to use the potty a YEAR ago. A year ago, people! And now prefers to just pee while she plays. I’m developing a nervous twitch. I will say almost anything at this point…here is where I came up with this lie.

Apparently I have always been a very Frugal gal. As the story goes, when my little brother came along about a year and a half after I was born, my parents sat me down for a talk. They explained that he needed diapers and there was only money for one kid to wear these things. There were only a few diapers left for me.  They would not buy anymore for me when the diapers ran out, and I would be expected to use the potty. Apparently this seemed very reasonable to my 1 ½ year old self. Almost like if they had just mentioned the fact that the stupid diapers cost money, I would have given them up long ago. I was potty trained 2 days later.

I really tried to sell this lie to my 3 year old. “There is no more money for diapers!” “The new baby needs to wear diapers.” “You’re such a big girl!” “I’ll give you treats if you just poop in the potty!” Please sweet baby Jesus, just let her poop in the potty! I really don’t know how many more times I can bring myself to wipe poop off her giant man-child size bottom.  I even upped the anti with, “If we buy diapers, then we won’t be able to buy treats!” All to no avail…

I’m really thankful it’s a lie. I’m thankful we can afford to diaper this 35lb child well into Kindergarten. Do I want to spend $2 a day to wipe poo off her butt? Hell No! But when my parents said it to me, I don’t think it was a lie.

In a week or so when we run out of diapers, she might call my bluff. The true test of the lie will be my willingness to start putting her in undies and washing an extra 2 loads of laundry a day. Say a prayer for me.

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3 thoughts on “We can’t afford any more diapers

  1. Potty training update: I caved. I bought another Costco sized box of ginormous diapers and said, “Pee away girl! Let me know whenever you feel like using the potty and we will talk.”

  2. This is one of the funniest blog articles I have ever read! I keep chuckling to myself as I imagine this one-sided conversation with a three-year old. It’s like telling my Boston terriers they shouldn’t tear up their squeaky toys because we can’t afford to buy more. Wheee!

    And the update: Just shows you have a good grasp on reality. Keep ’em coming!